#hes also been posting really concerning reels on his close friends stories a lot lately

[aaron-is-comatose]

My friend removed all his posts n his pfp on insta and when I try to call him to make sure he's okay it doesn't go through 😊

[scarletjedi]

Sangcheng Time Travel Fixit Outline Part 1: The Cloud Recesses

I finally figured out how this (17 page!) outline ends! Now posting can begin! Every day until I’m finished, I’ll post the next section of the outline. The goal is that it reads as, like, not!fic - and if you’ve ever chatted with me about fic, this format will be *very familiar* to you. There’s nothing explicit, though there is (semi)detailed references to *how* I’d write sex between two characters (Sangcheng, Wangxian)

Both narrative pieces that I’ve written and posted also have their homes on this outline. You can find them linked below. (Links are currently to the original tumblr post. AO3 links will be added once I’ve posted)

Enjoy!

This fic takes place in the Untamed/CQL verse with some minor details cherrypicked from the books - namely the fact that Wangxian are not only deeply in love, but very horny for each other. 

We begin immediately post-canon, when Jiang Cheng drags Nie Huaisang back to Lotus Pier from the events of the Guanyin Temple.

This scene establishes where their relationship is, currently: two friends who had crushes on each other during their time in the Cloud Recesses, who drifted into a loose friends-with-benefits situation that petered out around the time Nie Huaisang became sect leader.

There were moments over the years where it might have happened started up again, but Jiang Cheng was grieving and has never met an honest emotion he couldn’t turn into anger and Nie Huaisang had begun to plot and couldn’t risk anyone being that close to him. There was mutual pining, but I’m not sure either of these delightful idiots knew recognized it in themselves

Jiang Cheng has *questions* and Huaisang has *answers* and he will get them…tomorrow. He’s tired and mostly just wants to drink with a friend he thought he lost - actual friends being a bit thin on the ground for both of them.

They are both tired, raw, and a bit bloody. They both need a night to lick fresh wounds (of both kinds). Jiang Cheng is reeling from purging (mostly) the poison from his relationship with Wei Wuxian (which might have left him with no relationship, and he doesn’t know what to DO with that), and Nie Huaisang has just completed a grand plan a decade in the making in a bloody, terrifying way that nearly killed everyone. It could have gone so wrong, but it worked, but people know and he doesn’t know what to DO with that, but he’s coming to realize that for all of his planning, he never figured out what to do *next*

They fall into bed together, for that kinds of “I need to feel something and you’re alive but also here but also hot” sex. Never underestimate the inherent homoeroticism of wound care

I feel like their relationship could be, like, reverse wangxian in that they fuck BEFORE *I would happily die for you but instead I will live for you* love

“Sangcheng Time Travel Fixit Chapter 1” (Tumblr | AO3) 

They wake up the next morning…AT THE CLOUD RECESSES (bum bum BUM)

I thought about having them wake up in Lotus Pier/Qinghe but then I decided to limit their emotional upheaval – in other words, Jiang Cheng needs some therapy before he meets his parents again, and I like the drama of Nie Huaisang having to spend the summer in Gusu while his (still living!) brother is back home…with MENG YAO still a trusted aid!

Jiang Cheng is conflicted because his brother is his brother, right there, 16 and carefree and concerned because Jiang Cheng is staring at him and it’s freaking out and he’s beginning to “worry, Jiang Cheng, do you need to visit the infirmary?”

His core is his own, weaker than it was the night before, but stronger than he remembers and *familiar* which makes him wonder if he was as weak as he thought he had been. He then stops thinking that way, because it raises more questions that he’s not ready to face yet.

He knows Jin Ling doesn’t exist yet, and his hand feels *bare* without Zidain, but if he doesn’t have it, it’s because his mother *does* and that means Lotus Pier hasn’t burned, they haven’t fallen to war and *A-Jie is alive!* and he had grieved for all of them, moved on, but none of that matters when she’s sleeping in the girl’s dormitory!

Nie Huaisang wakes and *screams* into his pillow because he had *passed* these courses, damnit, was this his punishment for the lengths he went to avenge his brother? Then, of course, he realizes the that not only is Mingjue alive, but (since this is CQL canon), Meng Yao is *right there.* He didn’t even have a full day to process everything he’d done, and here the universe was, throwing Meng Yao in his face, and one that had not yet done any of the terrible things that eventually lead to his downfall. 

It doesn’t take long for him to adapt, thinking “well, I wanted a new project.”

He is nearly late to class because he’s caught up in his initial scheming – there isn’t much he can do while stuck in Gusu, but he can begin building a network, making connections…

I want a moment later when Jiang Cheng is concerned that the scheming isn’t actually good for Nie Huaisang because it’s not giving him a chance to process anything, but the plan will also hopefully keep Jiang Cheng’s family alive, so he’s not going to look too closely at that. He’ll be there to help Nie Huaisang pick up the pieces, after. He was *good* at rebuilding, after all.

Nie Huaisang meets with Jiang Cheng an Wei Wuxian, slipping easily back into the role of his flighty teenage self, but lets the mask slip when he sees Jiang Wanyin watching from behind Jiang Cheng’s eyes. He’s not surprised when Jiang Cheng corners him after Wei Wuxian is dragged off by Lan Wangji for punishment. 

Obligatory observation of how oblivious they all were to WangXian’s whole deal, with a side of “man everyone is so damned young. We were children!” 

They disappear into the backwoods to talk away from possible prying ears and agree to do what they can to make things better. This will, later on, be something cited to convince people (perhaps even themselves) that they were dating for longer than they realized. 

Jiang Cheng has a moment’s doubt about taking a more active role in Nie Huaisang’s plotting because he has a tendency to break delicate things, but then Nie Huaisang points out that he didn’t break Lotus Pier (not delicate) or Jin Ling (debatable, he’s as angry as I am), and Nie Huaisang trusts him, so he can trust himself. (which may be the moment when Nie Huaisang realizes Jiang Cheng’s desperate need for validation. This absolutely gets brought back during sex becuase Jiang Cheng’s praise king is visible from *space*)

Nie Huaisang rolls out the broad strokes of his plan, and Jiang Cheng is appalled that it will take years. “Wanyin, I waited ten years to kill one man that I knew personally. This is a *lot more complicated*”

Jiang Cheng agrees to it, because of course he does, but also because there really isn’t much they can do right now (Because Jiang Cheng doesn’t view “making connections” as a *thing* to be done. It’s something that happens or doesn’t. Nie Huaisang looks very sad when he admits that, but Jiang Cheng doesn’t quite understand why).

This means, of course, that they have an excuse, nay, a *reason* to act like the teenagers they *look* like rather than the grown men they *are.*

“You were an old man when we were teenagers the first time, Wanyin. You know what’s coming. All the more reason to have fun *now*” 

“What’s coming is why I – and you – need to train. Don’t make that face at me. I’m not your brother, those puppy eyes won’t save you. I said don’t-- *sigh* fine!”

The plan is, of course, to unite the heirs of the sects as best they can to give Nie Huaisang connections he can manipulate later for information, moves, etc. Which means making real friends. Which means befriending Jin Zixuan. Lan Wangji (with bonus get-WangXian-together-now-because-13-years-of-pining-was-painful-to-witness). And Wen Qing/Wen Ning. I’m also going to include MianMian and Jiang Yanli because there needs to be more  girls in this story. Girls who *live*

There could be some drama of the “does Jiang Cheng like Wen Qing??” variety, but I think that’s mostly something the others speculate on. I think by this point in his life, he likes Nie Huaisang more. Wen Qing is okay with this, as I stan lesbian Wen Qing.

During this time, they begin an actualfax friend group.

Wen Ning blossoms with friends his own age. This goes a long way with bringing Wen Qing to their side, and will lead the way to her going to Nie Huaisang for help later rather than Wei Wuxian. He’s smart and wise, just shy

Jiang Cheng looks at Jin Zixuan and realizes that the boy is a lot like Jin Ling in that, being raised in Koi Tower means that he doesn’t actually know how to person – it’s all artifice. He realizes that Jin Zixuan’s disdain about his A-Jie has actually nothing to do with her personally, and he’s mostly terrified/angry about an arranged marriage and doesn’t want to become his father. Behind the front, he’s actually romantic and thoughtlessly kind when he’s allowed to be, just a little dim/sheltered

“Why Is He Here” (Tumblr | AO3) 

Jin Zixuan knows about Meng Yao – it caused an argument big enough for him to finally notice, and tells them that he’d like a brother – and it’s so wistful that it has Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian looking at each other, and Nie Huaisang contemplating adjusting his plans to *rehabilitate* rather than *kill* Meng Yao. He’d killed him once, after all, and it didn’t feel exactly like he’d expected it to

Jin Zixuan does not know about Mo Xanyu, who had just been born. Nie Huaisang basically tells him (where there’s one, there’s many) and Jin Zixuan is officially looking so he can offer assistance. 

Lan Wangji is clearly sublimating his epic boner for Wei Wuxian into anger/self-flagellation, and for the first time since he was a child, he’s questioning the rules and it’s not a comfortable process (hence following it more severely in self-defense). He doesn’t know how to bend the way Lan Xichen doesm and the subject of his gay awakening is *oblivious.* Still, once he’s nudged in the right direction (and Wei Wuxian is hit by a clue-by-four) he does begin to walk that single-plank bridge with Wei Wuxian, he shows a very critical view of blindly following orders (what is black, what is white?), a bitchy/wicked sense of humor, and a softness for fluffy things. In other words, we get a Lan Wangji more willing to buck convention earlier in life. 

Nie Huaisang and Jiang Cheng also spend time together – at first it was because of planning/being the only adults in their group, but then it was because they really, actually like each other. They begin “dating” without quite realizing it – studying together, painting and poetry and fashion (look at JC’s clothing, he’s as much of a clothes horse as Nie Huaisang. I want them to go shopping together, wearing jewelry and lacquered nails. Bonus points for Jiang Cheng in makeup, even if it’s just because Nie Huaisang wants to paint him), sparring (Nie Huaisang has to basically relearn how to fight with his fans as he picked it up later in life) – but also kissing.

Like lots of kissing. A lot of it is surprisingly chaste because I’m keeping the whole “savor your childhood” thing, but I think once they cross back over into mutual orgasms, that tends to take lead. 

This includes praise kink, service top!Huaisang, power bottom!Jiang Cheng, topping from the bottom (Huaisang). Why? Because Jiang Cheng needs to let go and Nie Huaisang needs to have control.

I also like “weak for a Nie” Huaisang, so there might be some of that surprising!strength. 

Wei Wuxian clearly finds out (about the kissing), but it leads to them being an authority he actually listens to when they tell him “you want to bug Lan Wangji so much because you want to kiss his face.” (so, When Lan Wangji listens to Jiang Cheng and flirts back rather than getting angry – WangXian may actually fuck in the library)

This means, of course, that Wei Wuxian doesn’t punch Jin Zixuan and get sent home. This means the engagement stays (and may get pushed forward because of the looming war). This means Lanling Jin is better allied with Yunmeng Jiang and (at the will of the first Madame Jin) the Jins will march if Lotus Pier is attacked.

Of course, Wangxian are hardly discrete. They are found out and *WANGJI ADMITS THAT THEY’RE ALREADY MARRIED* because they still wind up in the Cold Pond Cave. Even Nie Huaisang is taken by surprise as that’s not something that ever went public. (This has the benefit of also putting the Yin Iron into play because action plot!). This leads to the announcement of Wangji’s public wedding to Wei Wuxian at the end of summer, which means Jiang Fengman (and Yanli) arrive not to take Wei Wuxian home but to negotiate the marriage contract.

This brings the Clan Heads together (all but the Wens – Wen Qing is already there, after all, and the Wens are less concerned with keeping up appearances.)

Nie Mingjue brings back Meng Yao, which means Jin Zixuan sees when their father snubs him, so Jin Zixuan steps up and makes an overture of friendship. For the few weeks that they’re there, Meng Yao is brought into the friend group (Jiang Cheng always forgot they were about the same age) which limits his exposure to Lan Xichen.

Lan Xichen is fine with this because it means he gets Nie Mingjue all to himself. That’s right – this is also a Nielan fic. Boom.

Meng Yao has already been snubbed, and is desperate to prove himself (and failing that, make Jin Guangshan eat it), but he’s taken aback by Jin Zixuan’s earnestness. He’s also not yet released Xue Yang – the wedding interrupted those plans. 

Nie Huaisang all but throws himself at Nie Mingjue, who is a bit confused because Nie Huaisang *passed* Lan Qiren’s lessons, so there’s no reason for him to act a fool. (He hugs him tightly anyway. He’s his baby brother, after all.)

Nie Huaisang teases Nie Mingjue about Lan Xichen (he’s going to encourage that relationship) and introduces him to Wen Qing (which goes less well, but it is a wedding and Mingjue is in a good mood. It helps that they bond being older siblings).

Before they leave, Mingjue asks Huaisang if he should be sending a formal proposal to Jiang Cheng Lotus Pier on Huaisang’s behalf. Huaisang is shocked that Mingjue would even consider such an outrageous— “besides, Wanyin is to be sect leader, Da-ge. The proposal should come from him!”

(Part 2) (Part 3)

[rorynne]

Of Geese and Men

Square: College @clintbartonbingo

Rating: G

Warning: Fluff, Geese, Goose harassment. College au, Physics Homework

Pairing: Clint Barton/Reader

A/n: This is also part of @geosaurusrrex 2k milestone event with the prompt  “I need your homework because a goose ate mine. DONT ASK HOW”

Summary:  You were having an average day until Clint Barton decides to harass a goose.

You sat in the cafeteria eating your lunch and reading a book as you waited for your next class. It had been a rather typical day until a very wet, tall, vaguely familiar blond man approached you. You damn near jumped out of your skin when he slammed his hands down on the table, dripping water all over it. “You’re in Pym’s applied physics class.” He stated more than asked, which only served to confuse you more at his state. “I need your help.”

You blinked at the man, moving your things away from his dripping form as you tried to piece together what the hell was going on. “What?” was all that you managed to say to the man, completely dumbfounded. You had too many questions to know what to even begin to ask.

He huffed, carding his hand through his short hair. “I need your homework because a goose ate mine.”

Homework? Geese? What the hell was he even talking about? You shook your head, still reeling from the shock of it all, “How?”

“Don’t ask how!” He groaned, rubbing his face. “It’s a long story. I just need your homework, I’ve been doing the bare minimum in Pym’s class and I can’t afford to take a zero on it.” Slowly, things started to piece together. You remembered seeing him occasionally, rarely even, in your physics class, albeit in a much drier state. Clint was his name if you remembered correctly. But that wasn’t what mattered at the moment, instead, you were more focused on something else.

“We had homework?!” You squeaked out as you scrambled to take out your course syllabus from your bag.

“You’re kidding,” Clint said in horrified disbelief. “You’re the only person who even pays attention in his class. How could you not know? He assigned it a month ago.” You shot him a glare as the syllabus confirmed his claims. Two full chapters of course work due the day of the first test. You wanted to vomit. You had been working your ass off to get on the Dean’s list this semester. But now all of your efforts felt wasted, all because of one little mistake. If you weren’t so shocked, you’d cry.

Clint seemed to notice your distress, quickly changing his entire demeanor. “Hey, it’s okay.” He reassured. “It’s gonna be okay. We’ve got, what, two hours til Pym’s class?” He glanced at the clock on the wall, confirming the time with a nod. Looking back down at you, he picked up your bag from the table, “Come on, let’s get down to the library. We’ve got this.”

You looked at him, incredulous, was he seriously implying the two of you could get through a month’s worth of course work in two hours? You could count the number of times you had seen him in class on one hand. Did he even have any idea on how to properly do the homework? “You can’t seriously think we can complete two chapters in two hours.”

He shrugged, “It’s only one chapter if we split the work.” The way he said it made it seem like the easiest thing in the world. And strangely, you found yourself wanting to believe it. “Come on sweetheart, we don’t have all day, and neither of us wants our grades to tank right?”

You took a deep breath, “You’re right. And partial credit is better than no credit anyway.” You stood up and collected your things. “But,” you said, taking your bag from him. “I think the library has a wetness rule or two.”

He smiled sheepishly and surrendered your bag with a chuckle. “You make a fair point. I’ll meet you there. Just take what ever chapter you like more. I’ll take the scraps.” You nodded in response and hurried to the library as Clint dealt with his wet clothing.

It only took about ten minutes for Clint to join you in the library, much to your surprise. “What, did you sprint to the dorms? They’re at least 15 minutes away.” You commented, looking over Clint’s much drier form as he sat down.

He shook his head, his hair still noticeably damp. “I keep a spare change of clothes in my gym locker.”

You have him a look, “Does stuff like this happen often?” You questioned, vaguely concerned for the man’s life choices.

He took a deep breath, puffing out his cheeks before exhaling slowly. “More often than I’d care to admit.” He said before craning his neck over to see what you were working on. A smile spread across his lips as he read the chapter you were on. “You left me the trajectory chapter then?”

You looked down at your book and nodded, “Uh, yeah. I figured I would just start with the easier chapter.”

“Sweetheart, your gonna have to look at me when you talk.” He said, tapping his ear. “The lake water ruined my hearing aids.”

If his statement wasn’t so bizarre, you might have been embarrassed by your small blunder. “Excuse me, Lake water? What the hell did you exactly do?” You knew he had to have gotten wet somehow, but you didn’t expect it to be in the school lake. But then, there was a goose involved.

Clint rubbed the back of his neck, turning slightly pink. “My friend Tony bet me five hundred bucks to try to steal one of the goose’s eggs,” he said, playing with his pencil, not looking at you. “I, uh, didn’t expect the goose to be so mean.”

You stifled a laugh, “You didn’t- Have you ever seen a goose before?” You asked between giggles. “Mean is all a goose knows how to be.”

“Yeah, yeah.” He said, still pink-faced, but smiling before nudging you with his elbow. “I’m glad you got to have a good laugh out of it. I’ll be sure to tell you about some of my other adventures next time.” You had to admit, you were a little curious to hear what other trouble he had managed to get himself into. It seemed like a common occurrence for him.

“Maybe after we get this done.” You smiled pointing to your book. “You said it yourself, we don’t have much time to lose.”

“Alright then, consider it a date.” He said with a wink making your heart flutter before he opened his own, waterlogged, book. Part of you wanted to ask if he was joking about the date, but he spoke up before you could. “Let’s get this show on the road.” He grinned. You gave him a nod before filing your question away for later and turning your focus to your work.

The pair fo you quickly lost track of time between flirty banter and physics equations. You liked Clint. More than you expected to like someone who had rushed up to you dripping wet and demanding help. Actually, you liked him a lot more than you expected to like anyone you had just met. He was funny and deceptively smart for a man who was supposedly on the verge of failing the class.

He finished his work long before you finished yours, claiming trajectories to be easy thanks to his experience with archery. Which was something he clearly loved far more than any of the classes he was taking. You could listen to him talk about it for hours with the way his face lit up when he did. He really had no business being as interesting as he was, you decided.

He was checking your work when you heard him swear. You looked up from your notes to see him scrambling to get his things together. “What’s going on?” You asked, eyes wide at his distress.

“We’re half an hour late to class!” He said, stuffing your work into your book and closing it, pushing it into your arms. Book in hand, you jumped up as if you had been electrocuted.

“Shit. Pym isn’t going to let us into class!” You swore as you collected your things and hurried after Clint.

“Don’t worry about it.” He said as he grabbed your hand and pulled you along with him. “I’ll just pick the lock. Just stick to the back row and he won’t notice.”

“Where the hell did you learn how to pick locks?” You asked as he pushed open the door to the physics building.

“A guy gets bored. I thought we already covered that I make questionable life choices.” Clint said quickly before stopping in front of an open classroom door, mouth agape.

You stopped next to him, eyes landing on a paper posted to the door frame. Phys 114, it read, canceled for the day. Signed Professor Pym. You stared at it dumbstruck. “All of that rushed work was for nothing?”

“Not for nothing.” Clint shrugged with a bob of his head. “If I recall, we did get a date out of the deal.”

You blinked and gave a small scoff of surprised laughter. “You were really serious about that?”

Clint frowned disappointment clear on his face, “Did you… Did you not want to?”

“No!” You objected, “No it’s not that! I’d love to have a date with you. I just thought- It doesn’t matter what I thought. I would love a date. Just, maybe with no geese.”

Clint broke into a wide grin that made your heart flutter. “Can’t make any promises about that sweetheart. I did promise you stories about my adventures.”

You giggled as smiled, “Someone needs to protect the school’s goose population from you.”

“From me?!” He asked with false offense, lips turned up with laughter. “They ate my homework!”

[takeiteasypeasybaby]

Save Me: Chapter 51 - Standing Strong and Carrying On

~Hey guys! Chapter 51 is out now :) I also hope everyone is well and enjoying Save Me so far :) Make sure to check out my master list for this story (parts 1 and 2 are posted on my page)~

With Ezekiel's fair at the Kingdom on the arrival, Molly makes overwhelming discoveries about her loved ones as Lydia and Henry continue to grow closer.

When I awoke, I walked past Lydia's room to see her door wide open, bed made and curtains open.

I have to admit I did panic slightly.

But, upon bounding down the stairs and peering round into the kitchen, I found her gathering fruit from the pantry and putting them onto plates.

'Morning!' she said smiling.

I watched her in awe and just folded my arms as I lent against the doorframe.

'Wow, Lydia! Thank you' I said as I smiled at her.

'So, I have exciting news...' I said as I munched on an apple.

She looked up immediately with wide eyes as I told her of Ezekiel's plan.

He wanted to put on a fair, to show off our communities and because we hadn't been the same since Rick, we could all use it to come together.

It would be at the Kingdom and all the communities would bring something to show or contribute in some way.

'What's a fair?' Lydia asked in confusion.

'It's all about having fun, there will be games, food and prizes to win' I said happily as I reminisced about my first fair with my sisters.

'That sounds like fun' she said smiling.

I agreed and was about to ask her to come and help me in the fields but Luke came racing in saying 'Michonne is on the line for you Molly!'.

I sighed and nodded.

'I'll be back soon' I told Lydia as I looked back over my shoulder and walked to the office.

'Hey Mich' I spoke through the walkie talkie.

'Alexandria will not provide for the fair' she said cooly.

I paused.

'What d'ya mean Michonne? It would be good for all of us, we haven't all been together for a whi-' I started until she interrupted.

'We don't have enough resources, I'm sorry' she replied nonchalantly.

'Wait Mich, is everything okay?' I asked worriedly.

My mind immediately darting to Negan, though I wouldn't give that away.

'We just can't, I'm sorry' she repeated and then disconnected the line immediately.

What the hell?, I thought to myself as I slowly put down the walkie talkie.

Luke came through and asked, 'everything okay?'.

I was still consumed by my thoughts and zoned out.

'Molly?' he asked again.

'I don't know, something's wrong with Michonne. Alexandria isn't coming to the fair but I think it's more than that' I said as I darted out of my chair and walked outside.

For the entire day, my mind was preoccupied with questions about Michonne.

I hoped she wasn't just saying everything was fine when they were actually dealing with a shit storm and she just didn't want me to get involved because she knew I would come running.

Out of the corner of my eye, just as I was loading boxes of fruit and veggies into the truck for the fair, I saw Daryl walking back into the compound.

He had been to Alexandria so I knew he would know more if anyone did.

I raced down to him.

'Daryl!' I shouted as he nodded in response.

'Do you know what's going on with Michonne? Is everything at Alexandria okay?' I asked frantically.

He stood still silently as he took off his crossbow and ushered me away from any listening ears.

'There was this group, a woman and a bunch of kids. The leader knew Michonne from way back so they took them in at Alexandria and they tried to take Judith...' he said angrily.

'What?!' I asked in a raised voice, making people turn their heads to watch us.

'I went with her and we found Judith but she had to kill her friend and the kids. Since then she hasn't really trusted nobody' he said softly.

I just stared at him in shock, 'oh my god, shit and after Rick. But she knows us, we're family' I said quietly.

Daryl just shrugged his shoulders sadly, clearly not wanting to say anymore, he walked away.

Lydia's POV//

After walking around Hilltop for a while alone, I passed by Henry who was working at the Blacksmiths.

I waved and smiled at him awkwardly as he did the same.

I bowed my head down and walked passed only to see that he had taken off his apron and ran after me.

'Lydia!' he shouted.

'I thought you were working?' I asked mockingly.

'I was, but I'm on my break and I want  to show you something' he said excitedly as he ran past me.

'C'mon!' he shouted back as I giggled and ran after him.

I followed him all the way to this old abandoned hut in the far corner of one of the fields.

'Hey!' one of the workers yelled as we darted through the grass, both of us giggling as we sprinted out of sight.

'What is it?' I asked as I felt my cheeks flush red in embarrassment at not knowing things a normal teenager would.

'It's my den, the other kids use it but mostly it's mine. I have one at the Kingdom too' he said as he held out his hand for me to hold as he helped me up the ladder.

I crept in and wandered around, touching all of the objects that sat on the shelves.

I held up a bottle and frowned.

'That's rum' Henry answered as he chuckled.

I knew at least what that one was.

My dad used to drink a lot, before and after the world changed.

My mom always told me to avoid it, it makes you weak she said.

I put it down hastily as I spun back around to see Henry standing right behind me.

I gasped in fright, 'sorry' he said softly.

'Why did you come back for me?' I asked deflectively to hide how I was really feeling.

'I wasn't gonna let them take you if you didn't wanna go. It was the right thing to do' he replied proudly.

I scowled.

'No, it was a stupid thing to do. You made my mother look weak, she won't let this go. She can't' I retorted.

'Then we'll run' Henry said as he shrugged his shoulders and turned around to pick up two sticks.

'There's nowhere to run! I like it here but I'm a burden, I know that. She'll find us anywhere we go' I said sadly.

'There's a whole world out there Lydia, we'll find somewhere for us' he replied as he walked closer again.

'This one's yours, I made it. It's just oak but it has a sharpened end for walkers' he said now smiling again as he handed it to me.

I had never gotten any gifts before.

I looked at it, admiring the work and craft that he had put in to making it.

'Why did you come back for me Henry? For real this time' I said as I looked back up at him.

He paused, taking a step closer until our noses were almost touching.

'I care about you Lydia...' he whispered as I automatically pushed my lips against his.

He placed his hands on my face for a second until we heard, 'hey!'.

We both jumped and turned to see Daryl standing outside the hut.

'Get back to work!' Daryl yelled at us both as we frantically climbed down and marched past him.

Molly's POV//

I moved through the fields, wiping my brow as the sun beat down on my face.

I looked up to see Daryl marching behind Henry and Lydia, he looked stern so I wiped down my trousers and walked over to them.

'Everything okay?' I asked Daryl as Henry scowled at him and went over to talk to Earl, our Blacksmith.

He murmured 'mhm' and shot Lydia a warning look before he whistled for Dog and went out again.

'Lydia?' I asked with concern as she looked down.

'Could I ask you something?' she said nervously.

I ushered her over to the picnic bench and as we sat down she told me about her kiss with Henry.

I smiled and chuckled slightly.

'Do you like him?' I asked as though I was her older sister.

'Yeah, he gave me this' she said as she smiled at the wooden stick.

I nodded, 'Henry's very thoughtful' I replied smiling.

'You're not gonna take it off me? It's a weapon' she asked.

'I'm not gonna take it off you, all of us have weapons. It's time we built a little trust around here' I said softly just as the gates opened.

'Who's that?' Lydia asked.

I paused until I could see better.

'It's Michonne and Judith' I replied, half smiling, half frowning.

I got up to see Judith running to me.

'Auntie Molly!' she said excitedly.

'Hi sweetheart!' I said as I pulled her into a hug.

'Hi Molly' Michonne said as she smiled weakly, still reeling from our conversation.

'What are you guys doing here?' I asked Michonne as Judith went over to sit with Lydia and introduced herself.

'You were right, you both were' she said as she indicated to Judith.

'I shouldn't have been so closed off as I was, you see-' she started before I pulled her into a hug.

'I understand, Daryl kinda told me what happened. I'm sorry you had to go through that, but even more so that you had to do it alone' I spoke as I squeezed her tightly.

'You do what you need to for the people you love, I guess I'd forgotten that for a while...' she said sadly.

I knew she meant Rick.

'You're here now, that's all that matters' I said as we smiled at each other.

Michonne looked past me and saw Lydia.

'Go on, say it' I said mockingly, knowing full well that she wouldn't approve.

She shook her head and smiled.

'I'm proud of you, you were a better person than I was in that moment. I wanted to kill her but you gave her a life here, a home' she said.

I turned around and watched Lydia happily giggle with Judith.

'Yeah, yeah she's a good kid' I replied proudly.

'I'm sorry I have been so distant lately, so curt' she continued.

'Truth is, I have been struggling with how to tell you something...' she added nervously.

I turned to her and cocked my head, anxiously waiting for her to continue.

'I let Negan out of his cell, he now picks tomatoes and does laundry. I figured that the bastard would be good for something and I was right' she said sarcastically.

My eyes widened, I teared up so fast I could barely see and pulled her into a tight hug once more.

'Michonne! I can't thank you enough!' I said smiling.

'Yes well, one foot out of place and he's back there full time' he said sternly.

I felt so light, like this weight had been lifted off of me and even though people still disliked Negan, they at least trusted him slightly more than before.

I always knew that this day would come and it was finally here, the start of our life where we can openly be together.

[mordellestories]

Ineffable Timing

Chapter 1: A.J.

There are some stories we have heard, read, and told for thousands of years. In this case, about six thousand of them. Yes, the beginning of the world you know and almost lost due to a Divine Plan, started in a garden. However, that was that story and this is this one. This story does not begin and end in a garden. It begins and ends with a flaming sword. Well, and two unlikely, but actually very likely, companions.

In the other story, we shall call Story A (for Almost-armageddon, or Antichrist, whichever suits you best) an angel and a demon met in the garden of Eden, specifically at the Eastern Gate. Many scholars and theologians have pondered on the exact location of the most famous garden in all of history, and have come to several conclusions. Armenia, which is incorrect.  Present-day Iraq, where the Tigris and Euphrates rivers run into the sea, which is also incorrect depending on how you look at it.

You see, the Garden is not technically on Earth. It never was. It was and has always been in Eden itself. A plain, as the origin of the name suggests, but maybe more accurately, a plane. A very specific place in time and space that subtly intermingles with all the other planes surrounding it. The gates that lead in and out of the Garden, however, are on Earth. One of those gates, the Eastern Gate, is at the head of the Persian Gulf, in modern-day Iraq, where the Tigris and Euphrates rivers run into the sea.

It was on this plane that our demon of this story not only tempted the first humans, but was also reacquainted with an Old Friend. This would set in motion a chain of events that would lead to the conclusion of Story A and this story alike, but let us not get ahead of ourselves. Or rather, let us jump ahead to the present. To where a certain A.J. Crowley, a former demon of Hell, former angel of Heaven, lurks.

It is not precisely common knowledge, more like a common guess, that creatures of the occult or the ethereal kind do not need to sleep. Only two people on almost-post-armageddon earth knew that a particular such being still enjoyed the leisure despite that fact. But Anthony J. Crowley had not slept a wink for three-hundred-sixty-one days, and he wasn't likely to for the rest of his uncertain existence.

"C'mon, Aziraphale, c'mon. Y' know you can't help yourself," the demon drawled bitterly behind a pair of binoculars.

Crowley was inconspicuously perched on a far off roof, peering into the angel's old bookshop, making his best impression of a gargoyle on duty. There was no moon out tonight, but he didn't need it. Crowley had memorized every local, their rituals, their nuanced behaviours. He knew their names, where they worked, what time they had dinner or went to the pub. He could even accurately divine the hour at which any of them might shuffle off to the privy for their astonishingly predictable bowel movements. Except for old Edgar, the poor man was a mess. Crowley almost miracled away the bloke's IBS. Almost.

He watched his best friend prepare his hot cocoa and pluck a book off a shelf.  The demon checked his watch and smiled mirthlessly. He peered into his spying tool again to find his friend peeking out his window, looking this way and that in a most suspicious fashion. Then he closed it, turned the latch very slowly, and drew the curtains.

"That's it. Do it. I dare you," Crowley growled with anticipation.

The glow of electric lights disappeared only to be replaced by a softer, flickering glow of--

--

Candles. White, vanilla-scented candles. Oh, how sweet the aroma was, how ethereal and romantic, thought Aziraphale as he sighed contentedly with hot cocoa in one hand and Hemmingway in the other. A book lover's dream come true that he rarely got the chance to do right these days because--

"ANGEL!" Roared Crowley, startling the living Hell out of Aziraphale.

The angel frowned mournfully at his cocoa-stained trousers. Not again, he thought woefully.

Crowley stalked toward the offensive candelabra and jutted an angry finger at it. "What have I told you about candles in this bookshop?" He popped the p and tapped his snake-skin shoes impatiently.

Aziraphale whined with child-like impatience. "I'm tired of this, Crowley! I like reading by candlelight. No, I love it. And I will not give it up just because--"

"Just because this entire bookshop burned to the bloody ground with you in it not, what, a year ago?! I mean, do you want to be discorporated again? Eh? 'S not like you could gavotte back up to your people and ask for a new body, now can you?"

The celestial could feel his invisible angel feathers ruffle with annoyance. He sighed and summoned all the patience he could muster, which was usually quite a lot, but right now was exceedingly difficult to get a grasp of. "I appreciate your concern, Crowley, I really do--"

The demon scoffed and tore the candles up off the reading table, plunging the entire room into darkness when he blew out them out entirely in one breath. There was an awkward, silent, and pitch-black moment before Aziraphale cleared his throat and snapped his fingers. The candles were on again.

Crowley turned them back off with a snap of his own digits.

Aziraphale lit them again only for Crowley to snuff them out once more. It was war. A series of loud snaps and flickering lights came back to back at a dizzying speed until Aziraphale groaned with frustration.

The electric lights came on, revealing the angel’s silent annoyance and twitching left eye. He took a deep, steadying breath through his nose and pursed his lips. Crowley was as stoic as ever, waiting patiently for Aziraphale to say whatever was obviously on the tip of his tongue. He expected the angel to adjust his waistcoat and change the subject, like he always did, then offer him a drink. Maybe some small talk. Maybe he’d sit next to him, and pretend to fall asleep, and accidentally let his head fall on to the angel’s shoulder.

“Out.” Was the only thing that Aziraphale uttered, his eyes closed.

“What?” He obviously didn’t hear right.

Aziraphale took slow steps toward his friend until he was almost nose to nose with him, the height difference making him look up with what seemed to be a hooded glare. He could try all he wanted to look menacing, but Crowley knew he didn’t have it in him. Not really. The little show was having the opposite effect of what the angel intended. Crowley was getting excited. He had not seen him this grave since they both stood with Adam Young in the plains of Eden. He could almost see Aziraphale’s wings stretched out and ready for battle. He was also so very close. Crowley was glad, once again, that his dark spectacles hid his eyes or his angel may have seen the need to kiss him at that very moment.

“Listen to me, you overbearing fiend,” Aziraphale lectured with steady, calm and crisp words, “you have been driving me up the ceiling--”

“Wall.” Crowley corrected.

“I’ve put up with it because I know your heart is in a good place--”

“Is not.” He drawled.

“Listen here!” The angel took another calming breath. “This is my bookshop. I will do as I please. If you don’t like it, you can sod off.”

Crowley gasped dramatically. “ Aziraphale. I’ve rubbed off on you a bit too much, haven’t I?” He chuckled at his friends blushing cheeks. “Fine. That’s fine by me. Do whatever you want.”

The angel narrowed his eyes with suspicion. “What I want is to light my candles and read.”

“What candles?” The demon asked innocently with a sway and a shrug.

Aziraphale’s eyes widened as he looked around. His candles were gone. His mouth dropped open and he ran to a certain pile of dusty books on a shelf, moved the stack, and found the area empty of his hidden supply. The angel sputtered and whirled around to face his friend. “I can’t believe you!”

“I can’t believe you! Think I wouldn’t find out about your secret stash of death sticks?!” Aziraphale ran to his other hiding place. “Those are gone, too, angel.”

The celestial stopped in his tracks and fumed. “You bastard.”

“Vulgarity becomes you, my a--” Crowley cleared his throat to cover the near slip-up, “friend. ” He could almost hear Aziraphale’s patience snap.

“Get. Out. Get-out-get-out-get-out!” He took long strides toward the demon and began dragging him toward the door.

Panic started to build as Crowley got closer to the exit. He wasn’t really going to toss him out, was he? Oh, but he was. He really was. His angel was surprisingly strong and very successfully pushed him up against the door as he began to unlock it. “Angel, wa-wait-wait-wait! I’m sorry!” He chuckled nervously. “I’ll replace them! With better ones!” The door was open. He was pleading now. “No-no! Hold on!” He braced himself, grasping the edges of the door frame while Azirphale pushed with all his might. Crowley was now desperate. He could not be cast out by his only friend, even if it was just a stupid thing he’d probably get over the following day. His mind reeled as his arms began to burn painfully from the exertion of keeping himself wedged there. “Remember the last time we parted on bad terms ‘round this time of year?!” He choked out frantically.

Aziraphale froze silently for a moment. They were both panting. “Damn you,” he breathed, shoulder still buried in Crowley’s back.

“Too late,” he croaked back.

Aziraphale finally relented and stepped back. A loud sigh of relief escaped his friend as he stumbled back into the bookshop and closed the door. The demon turned around and gave him an apologetic smile and raised his hands in surrender. “Replace them now, Crowley.” He demanded seriously.

“Let there be candles,” he squeaked with a wave of his hands.

The angel stalked to his hiding place and removed two large white candles with a frown. They felt wrong, and there was some kind of artificial flame on the wick. “What, pray tell, are these ?”

Crowley sauntered over to him and took one of the candles. “A fascinating human invention, angel. They’re LED candles!” He gave him a toothy grin and switched the thing on. “And look!” He pointed at the now lit flame. “The flame moves and everything! They’re scented even! Here, smell!” He shoved the contraption under his friend’s nose.

Aziraphale was still looking at Crowley with a bored expression as he caught a whiff of vanilla. He took the candle and looked at the demon’s concerned, expectant face. He shook his head slowly and sighed. “How many times do I have to tell you that I didn’t burn up in here? I accidentally--”

“I know, I know, but better to be safe than sorry, eh?” He clasped his hands under his own chin and grimaced. “Can’t we compromise, huh? For the safety of the bookshop?” His lower lip protruded pleadingly. “For my peace of mind? Hm?”

He was a pitiful sight. Aziraphale could hardly stand it. He sighed heavily and looked at the sorry excuses for candles. “Fine.”

“Yes!” Crowley clasped his hands on his friend's shoulders and gave him an encouraging shake. “They have a lovely glow. You won’t even notice the difference!” He squeezed Aziraphale’s shoulders reassuringly, revelling in the feeling of touching him. “Here!” He let go reluctantly and grabbed an arm full of LED’s. “Let’s try them out!” He made quick work of setting up the candles the way he knew his friend liked them, then ran to the switch on the wall and turned off the shop lights.

Aziraphale marvelled at the flickering glow from the modern inventions. “Well, would you look at that,” he uttered with awe. “It’s not the same, but…” he looked at Crowley who was hanging on his every word, clearly hoping for approval. He rolled his eyes. “It’s close. Close enough.” He scoffed when his friend gave him a smug smile. The angel adjusted his waistcoat and shrugged off the remainder of his annoyance. “Care for a drink? I made hot cocoa but,” he remembered his stained trousers but found the stain gone. He looked at the side table and found his cocoa sitting there, steam rising from the cup. Heat rushed to his cheeks when he met Crowley's satisfied grin again.

The two sat side by side, as was their fairly new tradition. Aziraphale read aloud while Crowley listened. The angel knew his friend would probably fall asleep; books never interested him, and maybe, hopefully, the demon’s head would roll onto his shoulder. It did. However, Aziraphale could not be too careful. He knew the demon could wake at any moment and so he resisted the burning urge to turn his head and bury his nose in his friend's hair. Almost resisted. The angel kept reading and, as subtle as possible, turned his head slightly, his chin grazing fiery red strands. He inhaled softly and sharply. The demon’s aftershave was pungent, but that was not the scent he searched for, though he quite liked it. He tried again. Some kind of hair wax. Another deeper but still quiet sniff brought the elusive aroma to the forefront; burnt matches. Crowley used to stink of sulfur back when they were still acquaintances. Aziraphale liked to think the smell faded along with some of his evilness over time, but maybe he just grew so used to the distasteful scent that he could hardly smell it now. The scent of burnt matches was tolerable though. More than tolerable, he liked it. Added to the illusion that his faux candles were real.

The angel nearly whacked Crowley over the head when he suddenly remembered his offence from earlier. Things had been dicey between them lately. After they thwarted the end of the world, it seemed like things were on the up-and-up where their friendship was concerned. Aziraphale even hoped that he would have the courage to voice his affection for his friend, though he knew that Crowley would most likely scorn him as he usually did whenever he tried, in little ways, to say how lovely he thought Crowley was. It would rip his heart to shreds if Crowley took his confession badly. The “honeymoon stage” of their freedom from their respective authorities was short-lived, however. With every passing day, the demon grew antsier, more boorish, and insufferable. He hovered over Aziraphale like a dark cloud, controlling and possessive. At first, it seemed rather sweet and considerate. The angel was now at his wit's end with the irritable serpent, but that was probably also due to his own growing anxiety. It was easy to feed off his friend’s concern when Aziraphale himself was fearful of when (because it had to be a matter of when not if) their offices would hunt them down and demand retribution once more.

Crowley stirred and hummed groggily. Aziraphale hadn’t realized he had stopped reading.

“Is it that time already?” Crowley slurred and righted himself. “Oh, erm, sorry. Must’ve nodded off,” he muttered.

Aziraphale felt the lack of Crowley’s weight on his shoulder as if it were a limb that was now missing. “I guess we can call it a night then, seeing as you’re so tired.”

Crowley sighed. “Right.” With a decisive slap to his knee, he pushed himself up to standing. “Night then.” He meandered toward the door slowly.

Aziraphale stood suddenly and called after him. “Crowley!”

His breath hitched at the sound of urgency in his angel’s voice. He turned to him and his heart filled with hope for who knows what to come tumbling out of that perfect mouth. “Yeah?” He asked softly.

The angel appeared torn but finally spoke. “Don’t forget we’re meeting the Pulsifer’s tomorrow for lunch,” he replied weakly.

Crowley’s heart dropped into his stomach. “Yeah. Right. See you then.” He opened the door and sauntered out.

He stood outside the bookshop until he heard the door lock behind him. Crowley hung his head and sighed. His Bentley followed him like a faithful hound as he walked the empty streets of SoHo. He would not wander far, however, not this close to the anniversary of his second revolt. Unintentionally, Crowley mused on the first time he rebelled. He did not try to push out the troubling memories that only grew foggier with time and distance. The war had sprung up so suddenly then. There was no time to prepare or plan. He wasn’t even called up to arms. The fighting broke out around him and he had no option but to defend himself. It had been chaos. Memories flashed in his mind. 

His white robes had been cumbersome, not great for fighting at all. His white wings being used, for the first time, to knock his fellow angels down. Aziraphale and his platoon flying down at them and demanding surrender. The fiery weapon about to cut him down.

Crowley shook off the painful images and stopped at his favourite wooden bench. He sat like his legs had been about to give way. The weight of the world, almost literally, on his shoulders. The demon grazed his hand over all the initials and respective hearts surrounding them until he found the one he was looking for. He smiled and caressed it lovingly, remembering the first time a young woman had etched it for him after he had woken from his depressive, century-long slumber. The epic nap he had taken after Azirphale had refused his request for Holy Water and turned his back on him.

The fair-haired lady smiled and took his pocket knife. “You’re not supposed to make markings on public property.”

“Bah, what’s a little mark? No one will notice,” he tempted.

She laughed. “You’re so bad.”

“Damn right.” He smirked back. “Go on. Teach me.”

“All right then,” she rolled her eyes. Her pearly white teeth bit down on her lip as she brought the sharp edge of the knife to the wood. “I always do the heart first. Makes me feel like it’s a protected space for the initials.”

“Why just initials?”

She shrugged. “So that no one can guess who it is you’re in love with. Plus, it’s easier. You should always put your love’s initial first. Because you put them before you. Symbolism and all that. Go on then. What is it?”

Crowley’s eyes shifted with uncertainty. No one was watching but it still felt dangerous. “A.” He watched her chisel the letter in the heart.

“Now your’s.”

“C.”

“C? Your first name also starts with a C, Mr. Crowley?”

His first name? The first name he’d ever been given? No, but it should be that one. It was fitting, he thought woefully, the name he possessed when he was pure. As pure as Aziraphale. Only the pure angel he once was would ever be worthy of his friend’s love.

“J,” he finally breathed. His heart pounded against his chest as she etched it purposefully next to the letter A.

“There. A. and J. Forever.”

More like never, he thought bitterly.

Crowley ripped himself off the bench before he could cry. He shook his head vigorously, willing his tears back into their ducts. Even now, he knew he was no closer to deserving his angel. His initials in his name always a reminder of that fact.

Aziraphale seemed confused. “Anthony? What’s the J stand for?”

“It’s just a J, really,” he lied through his teeth.

The demon adjusted his jacket and sauntered to his Bently with extra swagger and bravado, squashing down the nostalgia. Locking the name outside his old reliable car. Speeding off to leave his name and who he once was behind him and always behind him. The name that would never be in his reach again. The former Protector of Wisdom. The once glorious and beautiful Arch Angel, armed with the one he called Old Friend; his flaming sword.

Jophiel.

----------

Ineffable Timing is a Good Omens fanfic on Ao3 & FF by mordelle.

Thank you Betas: Darkphilosophe13, Azeran, & Stealbeatingheart

[sablelab]

Covert Operations - Chapter 57

DISCLAIMER: This is a modern AU crossover story with Outlander and La Femme Nikita. LFN and its characters do not belong to me nor do those from Outlander.

SYNOPSIS:  Crime in Hong Kong had declined over the past few months but this worried Superintendent Zheng as he mulled over the crime statistics.  Whilst chewing over his files he is surprised by the voice of a person he would like back on his team.  

Previous chapters can be found at …https://sablelab.tumblr.com/covertoperations

 CHAPTER 57 Despite the hour getting late in the day, Senior Superintendent Xiao Zheng still sat in his office going over the numerous files on crime statistics in Hong Kong that passed by his desk on any given day. Over the last couple of months, the kidnappings, murders and extortion that had taken palace in Hong Kong had shown signs of decline. The Water Police were still understaffed and overworked but at least they had been able to solve those crimes that had been piling up before the junk murders had necessitated using Claire Beauchamp undercover. One thing that he did notice as well was that the triad association with criminal activity seemed to be on the wane too. Nevertheless, this was quite worrisome.  Perhaps something was brewing amongst the other triads ... it was a feasible scenario given that the Rising Dragons were laying low. The triad’s leader Sun Yee Lok had also been conspicuous by his absence ... not that he’d been sighted much in or around Hong Kong for he hadn’t. The triad had been very quiet lately since Claire Beauchamp was on assignment some months ago and he had really noticed the difference. He leaned back in his chair, rubbing his chin and thinking ...could there be a connection? If so, she had done a bloody good job. Claire and that private investigator ... what was his name? .... James something ... had obviously been able to piece together the missing puzzle to solve the Annalise de Marillac’s murder on the junk. Since they had been gone such a lot had happened in Hong Kong. For one thing the Organised Crime and Triad Bureau had been on his back several times for information about the Rising Dragons. When they had asked for all the data the Water Police had on the death of Tony Wong, he had given them whatever he thought was necessary, however ... not everything. He had kept the identity of Claire Beauchamp and her mission from them. If TPTB at the OCTB wanted to know of her involvement, then he would do so only through official channels ... after all it was a confidential assignment sanctioned by the Chief Commissioner. He never did like those “suit and tie” boys from the Bureau. They rubbed him up the wrong way and then they took the recognition and kudos that his officers had earned for the Bureau. There was little love lost between them particularly their leader Chief Inspector Jiang Ng, but he wouldn’t compromise their investigations because of it. Zheng took a sip of his coffee and stared at his computer monitor; he sighed heavily, then took another sip of coffee that had started to cool.

Yes, there had been tremendous changes in Hong Kong. The death of the Canadian ambassador Alain de Marillac, from a heart attack had been a shock. That must have been hard on his wife ... particularly coming so soon after finding out about her daughter’s death too. How much more could the poor woman endure? They had instated a new ambassador and things seemed to be back on track ... not that he was that much interested in the political side of things. He had enough to do with his police work. However, the most significant thing he had noticed had been the death of Tony Wong from the Rising Dragons. The Aberdeen fishing community had been ecstatic when his headquarters had been blown to smithereens. Because of his connection to the Rising Dragons, the OCTB had investigated his death. Their findings had put it down to foul play by disgruntled junk owners who had rallied together. He’d heard from his contact that they were never able to find enough evidence to charge anyone with the bombing so the case still went unsolved. The OCTB had also investigated other theories of rival triad gangs hell-bent on fragmenting the Rising Dragons. Zheng doubted though that too much police time would be spent on a known extortionist and murderer as Tony Wong was for the triad. He was responsible for the murders on the junk and that was all that mattered to him. The case was closed as far as the Water Police were concerned. What the OCTB boys decided to do was another matter entirely. But things were quiet ... too quiet for his liking. Perhaps it was the calm before the storm. When the crime statistics were down, he got nervous and when the triads were quiet ... he was even more nervous ... They were up to something. Not only were the Rising Dragons quiet but so too were the Black Panthers and the Red Lanterns triad groups. There must be some sort of transition going on, they were recruiting overseas or there was a triad war looming. However, that was a job for the boys at the Organised Crime and Triad Bureau. A transition period always happened when there were deaths amongst their own triad members. He certainly hoped there wasn’t a triad war pending for control of new turf ... Aberdeen in particular. In the past things tended to get nasty when this scenario reared its ugly head. The Water Police would be working round the clock with the increase in crime should that take place. If indeed the Rising Dragons were in a period of transition and recruitment overseas then the OCTB would have their work cut out for them. There would be a pressing need to reel the triad in post haste before foreign governments came knocking with the question ... why? Oh well, that was their problem. He would take the calmness for the time being and hope that it would remain so for some time. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Breaking from his reverie he began to rustle through the files on his desk. As he did so, the mug shot of a previous suspect fell out from one of the files. Zheng picked it up and looked at it. He felt a queasiness in his stomach as alarm bells began to ring in his head also. Superintendent Xiao Zheng shook his head in frustration. How did this face keep popping up in his files? He keyed in the name and the image appeared on his computer screen. Zheng then typed in an access code and information about the man appeared. He quickly skimmed the Intel but couldn’t believe what he was reading. Reaching over his desk he grabbed his phone and dialled a well-used private number. “Hello.  How may I connect you?” A woman’s voice answered. “8 – 0 – 1 – 8. Priority Tango, Mumma San.” “Hold while I connect your call,” came the reply to the secret code given. There was a slight pause before a voice answered. “This is John.” “Johnny? It’s Xiao Zheng from the Water Police.” “Hi. What’s up buddy?” “Listen. I’m shooting you off a print as we speak. Can you work it up for me?” “Doesn’t it pull on your system?” “Yeah, it does, but I don’t trust what I’m seeing.” “Why not?” “It’s giving me “Mr. Sunshine.” This guy’s anything but.” “I’ll do what I can and get back to you.” “Thanks.” ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* The man on his screen was Jonathon Randall. He was well known around Hong Kong as a playboy ... rich, well connected, debonair and out for a good time.  The picture of the man seemed to peer back at him in defiance and a cockiness as if to say … I am untouchable.  Do your best because you won’t find any material on me that could be incriminating. Superintendent Zheng had long thought he was a member of the Rising Dragons triad but had been unable to pin anything on him or raise a connection to the triad. However, Jonathon Randall’s arrogant, smug attitude might very well prove to be his downfall and perhaps his friend John So would be able to shed more light on him and his criminal dealings that he was unable to discover. He’d contacted him rather than the head of the Bureau because he trusted him. John had worked for a time with him at the Water Police but he’d been seconded, like all his good people to different divisions within the police force and Johnny now worked for the Organised Crime and Triad Bureau. Superintendent Zheng took the print from the fax machine and studied it as he held it out in front of him. The boyish good looks of a cocky, brash, young man glared back at him. He stared at Jonathon Randall’s image for a few seconds before throwing it on top of a pile of files on his desk, then he sat back in his chair deep in thought. His gut was giving him grief and he felt the first signs of a headache forming and rubbed his brow.  This feeling was a dead giveaway in his job … always trust your gut.  

Desperately needing another strong coffee before he studied the police files on this Jonathon Randall, Zheng bellowed out for his junior constable.

 “Mei Ling!”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Arriving at his desk in next to no time she stood waiting for instructions. “Yes sir?” “Ah, good you’re here ... Could you bring me the file on the attempted kidnapping of that wealthy Caucasian actress recently?” “You mean the Laoghaire MacKimmie file?” “Yes that’s the one.” “Straight away sir. Is there anything else you wanted?” “Another coffee. Strong, black and very hot. Oh, and Claire Beauchamp’s return might be good,” he added in an attempt at humour. “Yes, I agree sir. We all miss her. Will that be all?” “For the moment ... You may go.” As they were talking, they were suddenly interrupted by knocking on the Superintendent’s door. Xiao Zheng and Mei Ling turned when the sound of a familiar voice came from the office doorway. “Hello … Did I hear my name mentioned?” The two occupants of the room stared towards the door in disbelief at the woman who had unexpectedly materialised completely out of the blue.  She was someone they least expected to see.  ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Both of them stopped speaking and gazed at Claire Beauchamp with their mouths agape. While Mei stood there shell shocked at her reappearance back at the Water Police, Superintendent Zheng though, composed himself and spoke.

 “Claire! ... Welcome back!” 

“Thank you, sir,” she replied as she came further into the office. Nevertheless, before he could get in another word edgewise Mei came out of her stupor, then in her excitement, rattled off questions to Claire in rapid fire succession. “How did things go? ... Did you see members of the Rising Dragons? ... Did you see Tony Wong? ... What happened to that Jamie fellow? ... Did you scratch the car?” Laughing Claire responded, “You know I can’t reveal any information Mei ...or else I’d have to kill you! However, we did find out who committed the murders on the junk so that was good. The car is intact ... no scratches and Mr Fraser has gone to Scotland on business I believe.” “Oh ... Angus will be happy to hear about the car.  It’s so good to see you back Claire ... and in one piece too. You’ve been gone for ages. Oh! Wait until I tell Angus that you are back. He’ll be so pleased. We’ll take you out for dinner tonight.” “Slow down Mei ... one thing at a time.” Claire chuckled. “I’d like to get my bearings again before I debrief with Superintendent Zheng.” “Oh ... I’m sorry ... It’s just that I’m so excited to see you again.” “I’m glad to see you too Mei ... perhaps we can catch up once I have spoken to the Superintendent? OK?” “Yes, of course.” Watching the excited exchange between his junior officer and Claire Beauchamp, Superintendent Zheng managed to finally get a word in. “Mei, don’t worry about those files at the moment ... I’ll get them later. You better get back to work. Just bring us two coffees.” “Yes sir.” Mei replied then with one last beaming smile at Claire she closed the door after her as she left his office. Senior Superintendent Xiao Zheng rose from behind his desk and came closer to Claire. Stretching out his hand he shook hands and clasped his other hand firmly over hers.

 “It’s good to have you back Claire. I’m glad you’re still alive.”

“Yes ... me too.” “Come sit down ... and tell me everything that happened ...” ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Having left police headquarters after her debrief with Superintendent Zheng Claire wearily made her way back to her apartment. She had given him all the Intel that Madeline and Operations had allowed and he was more than satisfied with her debrief. He in turn had updated her on what had been happening since her departure including amongst other things that her apartment had been maintained during her absence. Collecting her luggage from the car, Claire made her way to the elevators in her apartment complex and ascended to her floor. Much to her delight, she was thankful that she was back in familiar surroundings and looked forward to a good night’s rest in peace and quiet to relax and just enjoy the fantastic view from her balcony. However, as she approached her door a neighbour came out of her apartment and spoke to her. “Oh, hi there ... I'm Karen ... Karen Yee.” The woman said as she smiled neighbourly at Claire. “I live across the hall from you." “Hi ... I'm Claire.” “I moved in a couple of months ago but even though I’ve seen you come and go in the past; this is the first time we’ve actually met,” her neighbour stated making friendly conversation. “I’ve been away.” “Welcome back ... Where did you go? I thought something horrible had happened to you as I haven’t seen you around for a while.” “No. I had to go home to Australia. A family emergency.” “Oh, I’m sorry.  Is everything okay now?” “Yes ... thanks.” “I'm happy to see you back. I noticed that your friends have been looking after your apartment while you were away.” “Yeah ... they’ve been great.” “So ... What have you been doing since you've been back?” “What have I been doing? Umm ... Not a lot ... And you?” “I’ve been busy here and there. I’m an interior designer.” “Do you like what you do?” Claire asked with interest. “Yeah I do. I love it … In fact, I’ve had quite a few new projects on the go lately that have kept me busy.”

“That’s great… perhaps you can give me a few ideas for my apartment.”

“Sure thing, but I can’t do it now ... I’m just off to the new nightclub they’ve open down the street ... Look, I know it’s short notice but would you like to come with me?” “Thanks for the invite Karen, but I’m rather tired.” “That’s fine ...  So, when did you get back?” “Today actually.” “Oh gosh! I’m so sorry Claire. You probably think I’m a total idiot rattling on like that.” “No, not at all.” “You must be tired after your flight?” “Yeah, I am a bit.” “Perhaps another time then?” “Maybe .... Goodnight Karen ... Nice to meet you. Have a great night.” “Thanks ... I intend to. See ya,” Karen replied as she said goodbye and made her way to the elevator leaving Claire fumbling in her bag for the keys to her apartment. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ What Claire had said to her neighbour Karen was true. She was tired and looked forward to a long leisurely soak in the bathtub and a good night’s sleep. Opening her door, she pushed it shut with the heel of her shoe, then kicking them off in the entry Claire dropped her keys on the entrance table and wandered into the apartment carefully checking each room. The feel of the cool tiles against her warm toes was heaven but a luxurious bath would be so much better she thought. Entering the bathroom Claire set about filling her tub. Placing some lavender essence into the water she inhaled the scent as it permeated the air before returning to the kitchen. She took some water out of her fridge and poured it into a glass then took a sip. Walking towards the balcony, Claire then opened the sliding doors. The evening air drifted into the room while the lights of high rise buildings surrounding Victoria Harbour illuminated the night sky. She leaned on the railing taking in the panoramic view wishing Jamie were here to share it with her. Hopefully it wouldn’t be too long until he was here. Until then she had her orders and would wait until given further instructions when he arrived. Claire stood taking in the ambience of her panoramic view.  It was still beautiful and the lights reflecting on the water were so mesmerizing. She could stare at the view and forget for just a while everything that had happened to her and Jamie over the past months on their last missions. However, now that she was back in Hong Kong, she was in a holding pattern just waiting for instructions as to what her new mission would involve.  Would she be on her own or would Jamie be involved somehow in this mission as well?  Was it a test to see if she was competent enough to carry it through or was, she being placed in jeopardy for some warped reasons by her superiors?    

 So, before she would let her mind run too many scenarios through her head about Madeline and Operations’ intentions and before she could have that long soak in the tub, Claire contacted Section One.

 “Fergus?”

“Yes Claire.” “I’m in position.” “Good ... Wait. We will proceed when the time is right. Until then you are on your own.” “Okay,” she replied thankful that she had some reprieve before her mission instructions were in play, then headed straight back to the bathroom stripping off her clothes as she went while leaving a trail of clothing on the floor. The bath was just the thing Claire needed and she felt relaxed and invigorated. Wrapping her hair in a towel, she put her favourite robe on over her pj’s then made her way into the living room. Draping her long body gracefully across the couch Claire rolled over on to her stomach and picked up the magazine she’d bought at the news stand on her way home. Totally relaxed she flicked through the pages but her eyes became drowsy, she closed them just for a moment but soon fell asleep. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ She was woken with a start with the sound of a continuous persistent knocking at her front door. Sitting up, Claire tossed the magazine aside, grabbed her nearby glass of water, and went to answer the door. As she passed the counter, she set the glass down on a newspaper, then yelling out, “Who is it?” she made her way to the entry. Claire peered through the security peephole. Hesitating for a moment, a knowing smile crossed her mouth and only widened when she heard the sound of a familiar voice. “Hey! Claire! ... Open up! ... It’s us ... Come on ... We know you’re in there ... Open the door! ... We’ve got pizza!” She laughed, then turning to glance back at her apartment to check that everything was in order, Claire loosened the security chain and opened the door. Angus Mhor and Mei Ling were standing on the threshold holding two pizza boxes and a bottle of wine in their hands. “Hey! I didn’t order any pizza.” “No ... but we did. We’re starving. How about you? Care to join us?” “You better come in then.” The two friends entered with their booty to share. “Nice to see you, stranger!” “Angus!” Claire said, pulling him into a long hug in the entrance foyer. Then she did the same to Mei Ling. Eventually noticing the way that Claire was dressed an apologetic Angus stated, “Hey I’m sorry ... Were you going to bed? We’ll come back another time.” “No, No ... Come on in ... I’ll get dressed. Make yourselves at home and I’ll be back in a minute.” ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Claire and Mei were in the kitchen getting the plates and glasses while Angus searched through her CD collection choosing a disc that he liked. On finding one he placed it in the disc drive then called out, “Hey! What’s taking you girls so long? A man could die of hunger out here!” Inside the kitchen the two women just looked at each other and smiled, but his impassioned plea did make them hurry up somewhat. “Hmm ... I’d say he was a little bit hungry ... wouldn’t you? “He’s always hungry... ” Mei replied coyly. “... but he can wait.” “So ... things are looking good for you two I see.” ‘Yeah ... Angus and I are together,” she blushed happily. “Sounds very serious.” “Yeah, it feels serious.” “Good for you Mei. He’s a lucky guy.” Claire replied sincerely joyful for her friend.  The two women chatted while carrying the plates and salad into the living room and placed them on the table. “Hope you're hungry Angus. There's plenty of food.” “Great! I don't know about you two, but I'm starving,” he said placing some pizza and salad onto a plate ignoring the conspiratorial look the friends exchanged at his behaviour. Oblivious to their nonverbal conversation, Angus opened the bottle of wine then he looked up at them.

 “Would you like some wine girls?”

“Sure.” They answered in unison. “Well then ... let me get that,” he winked at them pouring some wine into their glasses, then raising his glass ... Angus proposed a toast. “Welcome back stranger ... Now let’s eat ... I’m famished!” Claire and Mei Ling looked at one another. “Yes, let’s … we’re starving too.” Then they both burst out laughing while Angus sat there with a perplexed look on his face staring at the two girls with a piece of pizza in his mouth.

 *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ to be continued

[hoodie-at-the-bar]

and as soon as possible, it ended

Steven said ASAP a lot, especially when dealing with getting back to me. After the movie night we still texted daily. I knew his birthday was coming up on the 23rd, and I had mentioned to him I’d love to take him out for his birthday. I mentioned it a few times.

He was always saying things like, “Aw thank you! that’s so sweet -” but then would never follow up with a commitment, of yes he was free for me to take him out. At one point, I felt I was being fairly clingy asking him constantly, if he was free or if he knew what he was doing. He wasn’t sure, but he’d get back to me ASAP.

The day before his birthday, he finally said his dad was coming up to stay with him but that he’d get back to me ASAP. At this point i had to call the lifeline - this was just too weird. Is he blowing me off?

I finally pulled the trigger and asked Loren what she thought. She said and admitted he was a bad communicator, that he actually had no plans and last minute asked Blaine and the guys if they wanted to hang out and have dinner. Ok that’s fine - maybe he just didn’t want to confirm with a girl he barely knew, but wanted to keep his options open. I love a guy who likes keeping his options open. 

Then I saw on his Snapchat he had a few friends over, and I overheard a girl's voice. Was it his friends’ girlfriend or a girl he was into? I became that girl who was uncertain and started going down the rabbit hole of a story I created: he didn’t confirm because that day was for girlfriend #7. The bummer part is, in most of my experience when your radar goes off (via photos of your guy standing a little too close to some girl or the sound of a girl’s voice) - it often means something’s up.

I tried to keep a distance and only texted “Happy Birthday” or “Hope you have a great day!” type messages. His birthday was on a Tuesday so I waited until Thursday before reaching out. I asked him what he did for his birthday and he said it was “chill”, and that he just “had dinner with his dad and played golf”. Why omit the truth that he had dinner w/ Blaine and friends? Was there more to hide? it just seemed odd with how he didn’t mention hanging out with his friends, knowing I’m friends with Blaine and can see his Snaps. Spidey senses went off.

The second time ASAP was in full effect was the camping trip we casually planned. Back in June when I was in Key West, I told him we should go RV camping sometime. Yes, just he and I: I had plans for us. He said he had a EDM musical festival at the end of July, so the first weekend in August he was free. Cool - as we get closer we can figure out if we want to do Friday to Sunday or just one night. 

Before his birthday I had asked him if he got the day off, he said he forgot and he would ask his boss. When I texted him that Friday morning after his birthday before his weekend at the Gorge, I asked him again if he had scheduled the day off. He said no, but told me we should still go so “reserve the date” - okay that was something. I got a bit concerned that the camping weekend was just a week away, and he would be at this music festival for the next 4 days. He said he couldn't request it off until he gets back to the office on Thursday, which was 24 hours prior to the trip.

What? He gets back on Monday, and has Tuesday and Wednesday off - he can’t ask then? He has to wait until he’s physically in? If he really wanted to go camping with me, or knew how to problem solve, he would just go in on the day after he returned, but maybe that’s just me.

“Oh dang it I forgot to ask. I’ll have to ask when I get back on Thursday.”

“Damn! Think they’d let you off so close to the ask? The Motorhome sales world is foreign to me”.

“Yeah it all depends on how much I’m selling really. If I’m selling a lot they don’t really care.”

Ok, so… do you think they’ll care? It’s Friday bro, you are going to wait six days before asking if you can have the following day off? Can you at least guess the chances of your boss approving? I grew tired of this game. 

“Snap - then good work on all your selling.”

“Ha, thank you!”

“Have fun at the Gorge this week. Drunk texts welcome”

I was being too nice and supportive and just kept thinking: you’re not his girlfriend, you don’t have the right to dig in to get him to commit to camping. I didn’t want to come off as a nag offering a solution for every sentence he made, especially over text. Most people are not that direct so it can be taken as abrasive. I tend to continue a conversation until there is a solution, getting creative and asking questions, but often times when a guy doesn’t want to do something and they don't know how to articulate, then they just end up getting frustrated that I keep hounding. Then I thought no, even if he was just a friend, you don’t blow off people or act non-committal, it’s just rude!

At this point I was half annoyed and half bummed that I was feeling ghosted. Saturday night while I was at a birthday party he snapped me “Miss ya”. The “ya” part wasn’t as romantic, but it made me feel a bit better about the anxiety of whether or not he was into me. It all went downhill from there.

Monday: he returned from the Gorge. I didn’t reach out

Tuesday: I texted him welcome back. I also asked how his dad was because he posted something cryptic about his dad’s well being on Instagram . I told Steven I was going to a concert tonight and asked if he wanted to come. He did the usual slew of fake interest, but no action.

“What concert?”

“Oh yeah! That’s cool!!”

“Haha, still famous!”

“Ok will do”

Then finally, 

“I’m feeling super chill today so most likely going to hang out here. But if I’m feeling a little cray I’ll tell ya”

Why? Just tell me you’re out, better yet, before all the “oh cool!” texts. For some reason I kept trying. Now it was just a vendetta to get this guy to say : I’m not into you. I did get him to say “most likely going to hang out here” - it was a carrot to keep me going, to win at him saying something finite. 

“ALSO I know we “may” hang out on Saturday [since he still hasn’t asked for the day off] but you wanna 2x that and do something fun tomorrow?”

“Like what??” 

False excitement, phantom enthusiasm. This reeled me in, I got joy from it, to only realize it was a stalling tactic.

“Discovery Park? Ever been?”

“Uh uh. Is it cool?” 

Was I speaking to a toddler?

“It’s very neat. It’d be a flat hike that leads to fun views and stuff”

“Ooh” 

What. What ooh?

“Anywho, I’m not as pressed about tomorrow as the weekend so you can make game day decisions. I’ll be doing some adult things around the house and relaxing.  (But if something comes up and I’m not free I’ll let you know) - I’m a communicator, it’s a thing.”

Do you see what I did there? I tried to not be overbearing about hanging out on Wednesday, while also letting him know I really needed to know about the weekend. Lastly - let him know what good communication looks like! I had a friend who’s birthday was on Saturday and I had to say I’m not sure if I could go because I ‘may’ be camping? I normally plan more than a month in advance, here I am, three days prior and have no idea. This should have been a clear indicator that Steven and I were not compatible.

“Oh for sure. I will let you know about both ASAP”

I should take a shot every time this kid says ASAP - to be fair, I don’t think he knows what it mean.s

Wednesday came, and I got sassy. It was the end of the workday and I hadn’t heard from Steven if he was up to go on a city hike.

Clearly we seemed like two people who didn’t really feel like hanging out with each other. I wanted to see him, go on a hike to see if I can get to know him better, or even go to his house and have an adult conversation about our communication styles, and how it wasn’t working for me. But being an afterthought to hanging out with him and his friends wasn’t appealing. Again, this would have been a great point to say something to the extent of, “Hey Steven, I wanted to spend time with just us, so I can have a conversation with you about us” - but the thought of it sounded more and more exhausting. I may have a high bar and assume if I ask a guy to hang out, he knows it’s me asking him to hang out together in a date-like fashion. I could be more explicit and say I want to hang out with you and only you because… but then at that point, it’s a compatibility issue for me and someone I need to use 2x more words than I’d like. For Pete’s sake can you just get it? I’ve had conversations with humans who did. There is a limit to explicit communication - and pass that limit is hand holding.

I had told some friends I wanted to ask him what he wanted out of this - figured we had slept together and it was a fair question. My friends reminded me that I myself wasn’t sure what I wanted, or if I even liked him (enough). So, did I need to rush into things? I said no, but the anxiety of not knowing what my plans are was enough for me to raise a flag. He didn’t have to say if he wanted to be together exclusively, but I did need him to communicate better as to whether or not he is committed to hanging out, if we planned to continue progressing.

Thursday came and he texted me about the RV. 

I didn’t want to press. Examples of what a guy would say if he actually wanted to spend time together, in no particular order:

“But we can still go tent camping if you’re down?”

“Sorry i couldn't get the day off. How about we do dinner?”

Something, anything - instead he just sounded whiny about his RV privileges. I didn’t care. I even asked a question that made his text conflicting: His second sentence said no employee can use RV’s, but said his privileges got taken because he broke a window? I was confused if the broken window mattered, or if he piled on the reasons to ensure we couldn’t hang out, the age old “I can’t go out because it’s late, I mean I don’t have any money, I mean I have plans.”. I didn’t even try to solve the problem, I just left it at that.Eight days past, and neither of us texted. I knew I would eventually have to get closure and call it off. Then he messaged:

He kept asking me questions to move the conversation, and I was trying to give short answers because I was annoyed this fake enthusiasm is coming up again. I had invited him to a BBQ at my house a while ago. He RSVP’d during the eight days we hadn’t spoken, but I assumed he wasn’t going to show up. Afterall, he couldn't’ commit to a birthday dinner, a hike at Discovery Park or even camping - why would he show up to a party with just under 100 people he didn’t know?

Then he texts me to see if he could bring a friend. I’ve been in scenarios where a guy brought another girl in daft fashion, but at least Steven did not. It was an older guy who dressed just like him and smelled of axe body spray. My friends thought they were a couple. Steven knew no one at the party and it was awkward.

I felt anxiety during the party because I wasn’t enjoying his presence, but also didn’t want to ignore him - and I was hosting. I felt I had to give him attention, but it reeked of obligation. Weaving through a crowded house, I didn’t know how to introduce him: this is Steven, we were sort of hanging out but now we're not - then he showed up to the party. Who wants a refill??

Why couldn’t I just say “this is Steven?” Because all of my friends knew each other through the parties I hosted, so if anyone is new into the picture, it's very apparent and the details get shared of the origin story - it’s a classic big party ice breaker. This is even more apparent since I haven’t had a boyfriend in eight years, all eyes on deck when an unknown man walks through the door.

A couple hours later, he found me to say goodbye and I apologized for not being around. He said he got it because I was hosting, and he left. Weight was lifted off my chest, and I could finally start to enjoy the party.

Gareth asked me if I thought I was dating down - I always thought due to my attraction to Steven I was dating up, but I didn't know anymore. So Gareth told me to be direct - that neither of us wanted to continue seeing each other. So I texted Steven, in my own writing style, to ensure there were no hard feelings. I didn't hate the guy - I’d be happy to hug him at a party in the future with a smile - but I was done talking to him one on one.

Another eight days went by and I decided to call it off, or give it closure. My first draft was to tell Steven that our style of communication wasn’t working for me but I am open if he thinks I’m wrong for any reason. My therapist told me I should be honest with myself: it wasn’t working, for either of us, period. Gareth, my therapist, said it was clear neither of us wanted to continue spending time together, so call it what it was.

Gareth had also asked me during this time, what it was about Steven I liked, and I had to think about it. I knew a good foundation was the story: I noticed Blaine and Loren’s friend five years ago, I was infatuated, and I got to have him, even if for a little while. His messages always seemed happy, positive and enthusiastic, to only find out he was like that for all things, and had a density I hadn’t realized. He was also Blaine's best friend, and I respected Blaine: Blaine was a solid guy and his wife Loren, wouldn’t tolerate anyone not worth my time. 

I was confused - I gave him a friendly out! I was done! How should I have responded?

If I said no, I’d feel like a dick.

If I said yes, it would appear I was playing games, fishing for him to want to talk to me.

My honest answer would have been, “No not really, but if you need to then I’d be happy to” - but I still didn’t know him enough for that to not come off as hurtful. This is a foreshadow by the way.

So I settled on “Sure” - with a shrug and a circular head motion behind the scenes.

Even Gareth laughed when I told him Steven’s response and didn’t know how to respond to that. Was Steven just trying to be nice? Or did he actually want to talk.

I never heard from Steven... well, for six months.

I found out months and months later from Loren that Steven thought I was mad at him. I laughed and said I purposely put emoji’s in my message and said I’d smile and wave. Can you imagine if I actually wrote “Not really, but if you want to I can” - he would have pissed himself. 

She said he wasn’t used to women who were direct and upfront. Well, I don’t know what to tell you - I was trying hard not to be as direct because I didn’t want to stress the delicate petals of this sensitive flower with my direct sunlight, but even with sunglasses on a smile, the guy thought I was mad. 

Six months after his last message, he sent me a happy birthday text, and I said thank you.  It grew more and more apparent we had different lifestyles, his social media streaming him taking videos of young women in short dresses touching each other at night clubs. I never engaged.

A month later he sent me another message, responding to a post of me cooking.

Again, I was polite and said yes with a smile. I imagine these sporadic messages will come though, but it’ll be treated now as an acquaintance saying hi.

Goodbye Steve

[natasha-cole]

Like the Heart Goes Chapter 11: Just because I’m sad, don’t mean that I’m unhappy

Pairing: Past Rob Benedict x Reader, Reader x Adam Fergus

Summary: Breaking up is hard. Especially when you are going through it publicly. Rob and Reader are doing just that; trying to navigate the difficulties of an emotional breakup while still trying to remain civil enough to work together, and adding inquisitive fans and over involved friends to the equation certainly isn’t helping.

Reader is unimpressed with Rob’s concern for her, and she lets him know it.

Word Count: 3947

Warnings: angst, fluff, swearing, questioning of life choices

Note: Okay, I need to take a break from posting to this story so much. I’ve actually got homework that I’ve been neglecting.

Catch Up:  Chapter 1  Chapter 2  Chapter 3   Chapter 4   Chapter 5  Chapter 6  Chapter 7 Chapter 8  Chapter 9  Chapter 10

Sunday

As you were focused on applying your makeup, you heard a knock at your door. It was fairly early and you were just getting ready for the day since you had another panel and photo ops. Since only a handful of people would ever visit you this early, you assumed it was Adam; probably stopping by to check on you and make sure you weren’t still mad at him. You smiled to yourself as you bounded to the door, in a surprisingly good mood as you felt pretty decent this morning. You opened the door dramatically, looking forward to seeing him standing in front of you.

“Adam, I-” you cut yourself short when you realized it wasn’t Adam knocking on your door. “Rob,” you said, surprised that he was the one standing there, “what are you doing here?”

“I’m sorry if you were expecting someone else,” he mumbled. He averted his eyes from yours, nervously staring down at the floor, “and I know you want me to leave you alone, but I really had to check on you.”

“Rob, please,” you began, rolling your eyes at him as he attempted yet again to be friendly with you.

“Here, look,” he extended his arm out to you, offering you the cup of coffee that he had been holding, “it’s a peace offering. Your favorite.”

You hesitantly took the cup from him, actually grateful that someone had thought to bring you coffee. Of course it had been him, he always was very thoughtful, especially after you had maybe had too much to drink or were feeling sad. Most of that had changed after he left, and you weren't sure why he felt the sudden need to keep trying to be nice to you.

“What do you want?” You asked finally. He stood there, studying you now. He only ever looked at you this way when he was trying to gauge what state you were in emotionally.

“I just- at the bar, it looked like you and… Adam, were fighting or something. You left looking pretty upset.” You narrowed your eyes at the way he had to force himself to say Adam’s name. “I tried to go to you just before you left, but Matt stopped me. Said it wasn’t my business.”

“Well, it’s not,’ you reminded him. You recalled how you had seen him being held back by Matt, that look of concern in his eyes as he watched Adam drag you out of the bar.  In fact, it appeared as if everyone thought that you and Adam had been fighting based on how they saw you react after that kiss. Briana had already brought it up last night when she walked you back to the hotel. You had at least eased her mind as you explained to her what had actually happened. It wasn’t him at all. It was how messed up you were from this split with Rob, your own fear of how everyone was viewing you now that you were considering moving on.

“No, I know. But, I was just worried that he hurt you or something.”

“He didn’t.”

“Good, because I really don’t know that I could take him.” He laughed nervously at his joke.

“What?”

“Look, just because you don’t want me in your life at all anymore, doesn’t mean that I don’t still care about you. It doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t protect you.”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” you replied, raising your voice now, “I thought it was because you’re the one who doesn’t want me in your life.”

“I never said I didn’t want you to be in my life…”

“No, but you’re the one who gave up on the only life that I knew. Don’t you get it? You left. I don’t need you to defend my honor or whatever it is that you think you need to do.”

“I know you don’t need me to, but I can’t help it. I still love you. Regardless of how I ended things, I didn’t do it because I stopped loving you.”

“Dammit Robert!” You ran your hand through your hair in frustration. You were feeling completely confused and increasingly angry, just having him here in front of you still hurt. Just looking at him made you hurt. The addition of these words that you used to say to each other daily and freely didn’t make sense at this point. You couldn’t wrap your head around how someone could think that they still loved someone that they had just destroyed. “You need to stop this. You have to leave me alone. Please, let me just at least try to move on. Can you please let me try to get to a point where looking at you doesn’t make me want to break down all the time?”

Rob turned his head, trying to avoid your stare. Probably trying to avoid seeing that you were now on the verge of tears again. You however, watched him, hoping that you had somehow gotten through to him. His own eyes were watery, almost as if he were ready to cry. Again, you hated him for it. You hated that he was still playing at being just as hurt as you were.

“I wish I could tell you that I appreciate your concern,” you continued, “but I don’t. I’m not a child, I can take care of myself. And, not that it’s your business, but Adam did nothing wrong last night. That was all me, still a mess over this,” you gestured between you and him, letting him know that this was all about the two of you, “I’m the one who overreacted because all I can do anymore is worry what everyone thinks of me… what you think of me, even though it doesn’t even fucking matter anymore.”

You were crying now, gradually letting your frustrations with Rob out. A lot of what you had been keeping in was coming out now. Much of what you had been wanting to say to him, you were finally saying.

“Jesus, I can’t even kiss a guy without thinking that I’m the one doing something wrong. All you’ve ever done lately is make me think that I’m the reason everything turned to shit.” When you realized that you were really losing your cool, you knew it was time to back down. Nothing good was going to come from another fight with Rob. You were shaking now, words catching as you struggled to keep your voice down as much as you could. “Thank you for all of this,” you said sarcastically, “thanks for ruining my day again.”

“I wasn’t trying to.” Rob said softly, only now turning back to meet your stare. “I was just worried about you. I just want you to be happy.”

“I was happy,” you spat, “I know you like to think that we were both miserable, but I wasn’t. Near the end, I was only sad because I knew… I knew that you were going to leave. It wasn’t any less painful just because I knew,” you paused briefly; focusing on calming yourself, trying to make him understand that you were only trying to give him what he wanted. To be rid of you. “I’m just trying to learn to let other people in. Let someone else care about me. And maybe Adam is that person. Either way, it doesn’t involve you.”

“You really just… want me to leave you alone completely?”

“Yeah, I do. I can’t do the whole ‘friends’ thing with you. I just can’t. Because, you still can’t even tell me what I did wrong. I go through every day still asking myself what I did. Do you know what it’s like to blame yourself for something like that?”

Rob shook his head, still looking hurt. He didn’t speak again, and you decided it was time to end this before it got too heated as arguments between the two of you usually did.

“Goodbye Rob,” you said quietly. You stepped back into your room, giving him one more glance before you shut the door behind you.

Once you were in the safety of your room again, away from Rob, you broke down. Why was this still so damn hard? You pressed your back against the door, trying to cry as quietly as you could. It was bad enough that other hotel guests could have easily heard your conversation with Rob in the hallway, you didn’t want people to hear you crying as well. Almost as soon as you had closed the door on Rob, there was another knock on your door. You felt yourself get angry, thinking it was him again. His persistence was annoying, and you opened the door angrily to tell him to leave.

This time, it wasn’t Rob. Adam stood there, a cocky grin plastered on his face until he took a moment to actually look at you. His face fell when he noticed that you might not be okay.

“Y/N?” He questioned you.

You let out a loud sob, still feeling very upset, but also appreciative that he was here. Never had you felt so many different emotions all at once. You were still reeling from the run in with Rob, but just seeing Adam was adding a sense of comfort to the mess of emotions. Before either of you said anything else, you grabbed him by his arm and yanked him toward you. He wrapped his arms around your waist as you led him into your room, the door slamming shut behind you.

“I saw Rob leaving-” he started. You wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him toward you before he could get another word out. You forcefully crashed your lips against his; still crying, your makeup all but ruined. You expected him to push you away. No one wanted to kiss a mess like you. You sort of wanted him to push you away, you wanted him to tell you that you had messed up any chance you had with him. You wanted him to tell you that you were too broken to be loved again. For some reason, you thought that you deserved it.

You were pleasantly surprised when he tightened his embrace on you, pushing his lips harder against yours. You had stopped crying now; running your hands across his shoulders as your tongues explored each other. He still tasted just as amazing as he had last night, only less whiskey on his lips.

Without thinking, you guided your hands down his chest to push him away gently. He looked at you, confused as you broke the kiss. You figured that he assumed you were going to react the same way you had last night. Instead you reached for the hem of your own shirt, pulling it over your head and discarding it on the floor. You brought him back to you, biting his bottom lip. He moaned out loud, bringing his hands back up to explore your skin. It felt nice, having the skin to skin contact with him. His fingertips grazed along your back, sending shivers through your body. You closed your eyes as he changed his focus, working his mouth down your neck, stopping to suck and bite as he nuzzled into you. You sighed, amazed at how good this felt.

It was when you felt him reach for your bra that you began to get nervous. You knew exactly what you were implying right now. You were basically offering yourself up to him, even though you didn’t really want to. Maybe it had just been a combination of being so angry with Rob and then seeing Adam, who had been so nice to you; but this wasn’t who you wanted to be. You really liked him. But, you also knew that you were not ready for this. You wanted to stop him from going any farther, and all you could think of was how he was going to think that you were a tease. You knew you were just trying to make yourself stop feeling so sad about Rob. For some reason, you thought that by being with Adam, it would magically make all of that pain disappear.

Although he had reached for your bra, preparing to unhook it, he had already stopped himself. He dropped his hands back to your hips, moving his face back up to yours as he kissed you on the mouth again. You breathed a sigh of relief when you realized he wasn’t going to let this escalate. But, you also felt rejected.

“You don’t want me?” you asked, staring into his eyes. Why were you so hurt that he had stopped? You didn’t want to sleep with him yet, but for some reason, you felt hurt that he wasn’t going to try.

“You have no idea how badly I want you,” he whispered. He kissed you softly again, “but, I also saw your ex leave just as I showed up. You’re crying and I know that something happened to upset you. I’d never take advantage of a woman who is upset.”

You smiled at him, impressed that he actually wasn’t the type of guy to take advantage of the situation.

“I’m sorry,” you muttered.

“It’s okay. I know this isn’t what you really want.”

“I’m a mess.”

“You’re a cute mess.”

“I’m embarrassed.”

“Don’t be. You’re sad. We do strange things when we’re sad. But, I’m not going to let you do something that you might regret.”

He bent down, retrieving your shirt from the floor, handing it to you. You blushed when you realized what you had done and you were still standing in front of him, shirtless. You put it back on, noticing that you had calmed down a bit.

“I bet you’re kicking yourself for getting involved with a girl who is absolutely out of her mind,” you chuckled, only hoping that you were wrong.

“Not at all,” he laughed, “you’re certainly keeping me on my toes.”

“Thanks for not making a big deal out of my behavior.”

He chuckled softly, “Well, that was a nice way to be greeted in the morning.”

“You’re welcome.” It was strange how easily Adam was able to turn your embarrassing moment around. While you should still be in a panic, worrying that you had ruined whatever this was with him; you found yourself smiling again and laughing at the situation. It helped that he continued to look at you as if you were the most beautiful person in the world. He didn’t act any differently with you, he didn’t even ask you what the hell you were thinking. More importantly, he had been the one to stop a situation that you definitely didn’t want to happen, at least not yet.

“I actually just dropped by to say goodbye,” he explained. You frowned at him, suddenly nervous that you might have actually scared him off.

“You’re leaving?”

“Yeah, my flight home is in a few hours. I wasn’t scheduled to be at the convention today.”

“Oh,” you said softly, looking down at the floor to keep yourself from getting too upset. You were actually feeling a bit sad now, knowing that he wouldn’t be around on the last day. Having him around, especially after your fight with Rob, would have been comforting today.

“Hey,” he said as he reached his hand up, gently tilting your face up so that you would look at him, “I’ll call you. You haven’t scared me off yet.”

“Good, because I do like you.”

“I’ll see you around, Y/N.” He leaned in, kissing you again.

“At the next con?” you questioned when he pulled back after a few moments of making out.

“I don’t know when that will be. Haven’t been invited to anything coming up.”

You pouted, unimpressed that he wasn’t scheduled for anything.

“Okay,” you said, “I would really like if you did call me.”

“I will,” he replied, “you’re not getting rid of me that easily.”

He hesitantly moved away from you, letting his hand linger on your waist. When he finally let go, he headed for the door, turning back to look at you.

“You’ll miss your flight,” you said.

“It’s just a little difficult to walk away from you for some reason.”

“Sweet talker,” you said with a giggle.

He grinned at you again as he finally walked out of the room. You breathed a sigh of relief. How you had managed to act like a complete idiot, yet still have him wanting to be with you was beyond you. Anyone in their right mind would see that you were acting just a little bit crazy lately, but maybe he was able to see past all of that.

When you finally got down to the convention, already cutting it close to missing one of your own panels, your first thought was that you needed to avoid Rob. Although you had a panel with him, Rich, and Matt as usual; you were focused on just ignoring him. You were done trying to pretend to be friendly. You had been trying to make it seem as if you and Rob were okay in terms of getting along at least, mostly for the sake of the fans. You didn’t want them to think that you absolutely couldn’t stand the man anymore. Now, you realized that you couldn't keep trying to hide what you were really feeling.

Fortunately for you, Rob ended up being the one to avoid you. Even during your panel with the guys, he never once looked toward you, you knew because you were mostly staring at his back through the whole thing. Rich and Matt made sure to include you in the discussions where Rob had acted as if you didn’t exist. It was the most awkward you had ever felt during a panel.

When it finally ended, you made your way to the green room. There, Briana and Kim greeted you, calling you over to the couch that they were seated at. You happily plopped down beside Kim, realizing that you hadn’t spent much time with them lately.

“So?” Kim said, raising her brows as if she were waiting for something.

“What?”

“You and Adam, huh?”

You groaned, rubbing your hand over your face, “Not me and Adam. It’s nothing. We’ve been hanging out is all.”

“Well, I don’t usually make out with dudes that I just hang out with,” Kim retorted, “but maybe that’s your thing.”

“”Don’t talk to me like that,” you replied, growing angry over the fact that she was thinking of you the exact way that you didn’t want your friends to think of you.

“I didn’t mean anything by it.”

“God forbid that I spend time with someone new. Do you all forget that Rob is the one who left me? Why am I a bad person for trying to move on?” You were willing yourself not to cry again. It was one thing to have Rob think of you as a bad person, you really couldn’t handle having your own girl friends think of you that way.

“Y/N, I really didn’t mean to sound rude,” Kim replied. She placed a hand on your knee, trying to let you know that she was sorry, “I just- it was unexpected. I didn’t realize you were dating again.”

“I’m not,” you sighed, “I wasn’t trying to anyway. Adam has been very nice to me and I like being around him. I was tipsy last night and that kiss shouldn’t have happened. Not like that.”

“Like I said,” added Briana, “to get over a guy, you gotta get under a new one.”

“I’m not sleeping with him,” you said.

“No one’s going to think less of you if you are though,” Kim replied. You smiled at her. Maybe you had been wrong about them. Maybe they didn’t care if you started dating again, even if it did seem too soon. “I was only teasing. He’s a good guy and you seem very happy when you’re around him. It’s a nice change from how you’ve been lately.”

“So, you don’t think it’s too soon to say that I might really like Adam?”

They both grinned at you, seeming pleased that you had finally let them in on what had been going on the past few days.

“That’s wonderful!” Kim exclaimed.

“Really? I knew he was into you, I just didn’t know if you’d be into him,” added Briana.

“I didn't think I would be either,” you admitted, “but he’s really nice and he makes me laugh. He’s also a really good kisser.” You blushed as you said it, feeling like a giggly school girl as you gossiped with Kim and Briana about your crush.

“I’m happy for you,” said Kim, “whatever you need to do to make yourself feel happy again, do it.”

“Is it bad that I’m still not over Rob?” You asked. You sort of regretted being honest about it. It made you feel so insecure to still be at this stage.

“No, how could you be? You were with him for a long time,” Kim replied.

“I just- it still hurts, a lot. And Adam knows this. He’s still willing to spend time with me even if he knows I’m still not healed yet.”

“He’s a lot more honorable than most men,” Briana stated.

“He mostly just tells me that he’s going to do what he can to help me stop thinking about it. Honestly, when I’m with him, sometimes I forget about Rob completely.”

“That’s a good thing,” said Briana, “maybe he’s the one to help you heal.”

“Maybe…” you trailed off, considering the possibility. You weren’t going to object to anyone that could possibly help you get over this whole thing with Rob. It hurt enough to the point where you were willing to do anything you could to make the pain stop. You had tried crying until there were no more tears left to cry. You had tried drinking the pain away. You had tried shutting yourself off from the world just to avoid thinking of him. None of it had worked, if anything, it all made it more difficult. When you were with Adam though, those were the only times when you had brief moments of completely forgetting that Rob existed. It didn’t happen all at once, and it never lasted long; but the fact that those moments were happening, it made you want to be around Adam even more.

“So, how does this work when he’s home, in a completely different country than you?” Briana asked.

“I don’t know,” you replied. You hadn’t really thought about it. You almost forgot that he lived so far away and you rarely even saw each other as it was. You had been so caught up in him this weekend, you never stopped to consider what it would be like to be involved with yet another man that you rarely got to see. The thought of it made your chest hurt, as if your heart were breaking over someone that you were only getting to know. You realized that dating him was going to be almost exactly how it was dating Rob. Another man that wasn’t around, another man who would eventually walk out on you because you weren’t there enough for him. You knew that a cellphone relationship wasn’t going to last. Eventually, you would be right back where you had started.

“It’ll be okay,” Briana said, almost as if she were reading your mind as you thought about the mess you were getting yourself into again, “he’ll call you, right?”

“Yeah, I think so.”

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[dhwty-writes]

The power of secrets

The following short story will be set in the world of my current WIP, “Die Kaiserin” (The empress) but it was written after a prompt that was posted by @oliviapaigewrites in her slack wirting group. 

Feel free to comment on it and tell me your thoughts!

Secrets, no matter how much people want to pretend they don’t exist, are a dangerous thing.

This is something that had first occurred to me in early childhood even though that might not have been my wording back then; I had a little conspiracy with my brother going on, planning on sneaking out, late at night, when I ought to be sleeping, to go to a friend’s tent. I escaped, that much I achieved, but I never got to play with Sema. My brother had sold me out to our mother, who promptly turned up at Sema’s house to snatch me back home.

It had been a painful experience, being betrayed in that kind of way by a person that I held and – so much has to be remarked – still do hold so dearly. It was the first painful lesson but by far not the last until I became what I am now. On the way to my current occupation lie the corpses of scattered friendships, treasonous lovers and jealous classmates, all of them eager to stab me in the back, once I had it turned towards them.

It had been hard, stepping across this with a face of stone even though tears burnt in my eyes and a silent sob stuck in the back of my throat. But my family, my parents, mother and father, mom and dad, and my brother, most of them all, had raised me to be proud. They had raised me to hold my head high, nose ever in a fresh wind that may promise the coming of better days.

“Don’t let them see your weakness”, I heard my brother whisper in my ear, as he tended to a scrapped knee of mine, “They will use it against you.”

It was – is! – the same with secrets, though. People pretend they don’t exist; say that you have got no weaknesses that you were a goddess among mortals even though everyone knows that there is no truth of it. The only protection is not to give them away.

On my childhood resembling a graveyard of friendships I had learned to keep my secrets to myself. And even more than that: while knowing how devastating, how gruesome and terrible it could be if someone knows your secrets I refrained from sharing anyone’s secrets.

A secret – that has to been known – a shared secret is the expression of the highest possible trust a person can express, presupposed that said person is neither drunk nor drugged. Giving away such a secret is the most inhumane thing our races are capable of, at least in my opinion. Exposed secrets leave you naked as torn clothes, defenceless, the subject of public interest, if wanted or not, an object, everyone may decree as they like.

And thus, I became a secret-keeper. A person, anybody may come to and spill their hearts out, knowing, nobody else will hear of it. I must confess, sometimes it feels a bit like a confessor but I don’t really mind.

I turned my head from the setting sun. It gleamed red and gold behind my closed eyelids and as I forced them open many-colored points danced in my view. “How did you find out?” I was startled, among other reasons by the sharpness of my voice.

The woman behind the desk chuckled. “It was hard, I admit that. At first I thought you just pretended to have no secrets. So many others do, don’t they?” Her smile was wide and charming, a year ago it might have sent me reeling but now I only tensed. “Then I was convinced that you truly had none. You never let anything slip, you must know. Not with your dearest friends, not with your family, not even when offered payment. I would have accepted for that sum.”

“But I am not you,” I answered coldly “I’m sure you will have noticed.”

She laughed again, this time loud and clear, like silver bells ringing. “Yes, indeed. Well… concerning your question… Partly I just guessed. There was not any evidence, at least not at the beginning. But I knew there was something. There had to be. There always is. And then, as we concentrated on that particular matter… It just became clear. Simple as that. And it was the look in your eyes, not only love but also lust.”

I closed my eyes. I was trapped, I knew I was. With evidence… they could have me killed for it. “What do you want?” I asked bluntly. It was obvious that she wanted something; otherwise I would not be here.

She rose from her seat. “Well, the first thing you will do is to keep committing adultery with the Racha. Not that it is something he won’t do anyway; I guess he is in somebody else’s bed every night. Or rather, somebody else is in his bed every night. We don’t want him to become suspicious. Secondly, you will ensure that you don’t get with child.” As gruesome paradox I glanced towards her swelling belly. “You see, maybe would the Racha allow you to keep the child if it was neither shadowless nor a changer but there is not much a chance to that, no? All of his children were one or the other until now. But if it were, and pray to god if it was to be both, he would never let you and the brat go. I am sure that you understand that.”

“Of course I do,” I snapped, “And I saw to it.”

“I fear I can’t get him to leave his hands of you and the other girls and keep them to my body. I tried it, it doesn’t work. But I swear he will grow tired of you, sooner than later, and most likely you will be permitted to stay at court. Don’t worry about that.” The woman in front of me had a soft, motherly expression on her face and I felt the longing to run into her arms and hug her so that she would protect me of all evil in this world.

“And then… the Liv’ Siru won’t stay much longer. I will convince her to go and perhaps she will never return. Most likely she won’t.” She paused. “It will hurt you. I won’t lie to you about that. It hurts every time when you lose someone you hold dear. But it will get better.”

“It can’t hurt a lot more than loving a person while knowing perfectly well that this affection is unrequited.” I sounded bitter, I realised, hurt.

“No. I suppose not.”

“You won’t tell anyone?” I asked suspiciously.

“No, I won’t. There is no need to. At least not now.”

“Why did you want to find it out in the first way, then?” I was truly confused.

“I am the Rachasa. I ought to know what is going on in my court. It is always useful to know things about people when they think you don’t. And it comes in handy to prevent them from doing stupid things.”

Casually she strolled over to a set of stools and a table. “Would you like anything? A tea maybe? Peach juice?”

The mere thought of the sweet drink made my mouth water but still I was wary. It wasn’t over, I knew that very well. “No, thank you.”

“Ah, I did not think so. You are very intelligent, are you not? So, I shall finally formulate my plea: I would like you to come to my garden once a week. You will dine with me and enjoy the time you have there, nothing unusual, I tend to do that often with the lovers of my husband. And you will answer my questions about particular people at the court.” She flipped a small biscuit into her mouth. “I guess you already figured out what would happen, if you would chose not to attend to out weekly meetings. The shame in front of all the court and the realm, the disgrace and the repudiation, exile with no hope of being-“

“I think I got your point, thank you!” I interrupted her sharply. “There is no need for further explanations.”

“No, I did not suppose there would be.” She smiled, again. “Then I will see you tomorrow at noon, if you please?”

“I am honoured, your grace,” I said stiffly “It will be a pleasure for me to attend to you.”

And thus, as I walked out of the chambers of the Rachasa, I had somehow transformed from a secret-keeper to a secret-teller, a filthy spy. I cannot imagine an occupation I would be more disgusted of; for secrets, no matter how much people want to pretend they don’t exist, are a dangerous thing.